The Power of Not Being Offended
The Power of Not Being Offended
By Pastor John Dawson
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 19:11
Cyrano de Bergerac is a well-loved fictional character known for 3 things: his large nose, his razor-sharp wit, and his skill with a sword. The three worked together to give him his biggest flaw: he was easily offended. Because he was sensitive about how his large nose detracted from his appearance, he would be the target of comments about it. He was quick to take offense and would hurl well-crafted insults at those he perceived to be insulting him. And these would lead to duels where his ability with the blade came into play. His real problem was not the size of his nose, but the hyper-sensitivity of his ego. He was not just easily offended, he walked around mostly offended so any slight would put him over the top.
This may make for an interesting character in a play, but in real life, it is exhausting. People are quick to be offended because the wrong word was used. To make it worse, the words that people claim to be offended by keep proliferating. If you don’t keep up, you will be branded as a bad person for offending someone without having any clue how. For example, if you call someone she who does not identify as a she, you have been offensive according to that person. They call this misgendering. And they claim there are now more genders than you have fingers. There is no way to keep up, even if you wanted to.
There are many groups that (like Cyrano) walk around ready to be offended. The more of such groups a person belongs to, the more reasons they feel they have to be offended. This is the intersectionality index, and it has become big business. Schools and companies hire whole departments to ensure that their people adhere to the proper speech codes so as to not offend one of the groups.
The bible has a very different view. The proverb says that it is to your glory to overlook an offense. Some offenses are serious enough that they cannot be overlooked, but many of them can be. If you fret over offenses and possible offenses against you, it will make you angry all of the time. You will spend your energies trying to even the score. Yes, you may feel more righteous than the person who said something in order to offend you, but you may not actually be more righteous. And besides, why be pleased that you are more righteous than someone whom you know is unrighteous? Quit serving as judge and jury. Quit thinking you need to discern what others’ motives are. And quit rehearsing in your mind what the other person did. It’s all so exhausting.
If you are not offended, you can spend your time thinking about things that are true, honorable, just, pure lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. These are the things that we are told to fill our minds with (Philippians 4:8). How it lifts the spirit to think on the excellent things of God.
When you continue to think about the offense you took, you keep the hurt open and raw. And as they say, that person lives rent free in your mind. Why would you give that person so much of your time and your life? Life is too short and your life is too precious to waste that way.
When you feel an offense, realize that Christ has endured more offense than you ever will. The blood of Christ is stronger than any power that would come against you. Give the offense you feel to the Lord in prayer. Let him carry it for you. Realize that the love of Christ for you cannot be taken away by anyone else.
And consider this. Some people will offend you on purpose just to wind you up. If you refuse to take the bait it will throw them. They will be the one whose mind is thrown into a spin. Other people will see and realize that you have a greater power in you. You are the one with good sense, as the proverbs says. And you will have greater influence with people who want to be around good people. You will have the ability to shine for Christ.
Let’s rejoice in Christ together.
Pastor John